No sooner have I celebrated my third shakuhachi anniversary that I begin to notice the bamboo slump I've gotten in to.
I had been hammering HifuMi for months. It was wearing me down. The piece is a hard one for me and though I understand it technically, I am having a hard time making it flow. The phrases come out correct but without life. There are gasps of air in between each hard won set of notes and the piece sounds laboured and forced. I feel disappointment and a sense of failure. As I turn to other pieces studied in the past and thought to be mastered, they too sound strangled and lifeless.
"How can I play this long and sound this bad?" I think. What a slog it is to get through each hour of practice. I force more discipline into my shakuhachi schedule and the fun factor totally disappears as I grind through my allotted flute time happy only when the practice period is over for another day.
Have I lost the adventure of the journey by thinking I should, after three years, be at a different destination? Most certainly I have lost the sense of wonder at the extraordinary texture of sounds the flute can offer. And I have trapped myself in a corner of expectations.
How to get out of this uncomfortable, disappointing spot? I take a risk and share my despair, I turn to my shakuhachi friends, I post on the Chikuzen forum. Its a chance I'm not sure I should take. The students in the private discussion group are full of enthusiasm and their love for practicing and playing shakuhachi is the backdrop for almost every post they make. Here I come, a loser who isn't enjoying the process, someone who sounds like crap after years of practice, someone talentless who is moving at a glacial pace. I take the chance, I make the post, I am vulnerable.
The response is overwhelming. Students, my friends, my peers, post heartfelt encouragement and many practical suggestions. The advice is useful the support is priceless. Most say they know this place, this valley of struggle. I feel not alone. I feel their caring and understanding. This feeling itself starts to help my mood shift.
In my next lesson with Michael Gould we talk about his journey and its many hills and valleys. He has given thought to my situation and has excellent advice for me, the right tips at the right time. I am tremendously fortunate to have a teacher so skilled and so dialled in to each student.
What's the lesson learnt here? Learning to play the shakuhachi well does indeed take a long time and it can be hard work. Remembering to keep the fun in the process is vital. Its important to remember to have fun. That sounds ridiculously simple but we can be ridiculously complicated and so need to be reminded to get out of our own way, have fun, enjoy the soundscape and get back to being on the journey rather than crying about not reaching some imagined destination.
I would like to make a suggestion. You do not need to post this. I just want to share an option which helps me. The Shakuhachi is probably the most difficult wind instrument to play and there seems to be many different musical traditions to learn, and i am making progress very slowly. I've heard players do ancient Japanese pieces all the way to modern jazz. I doubt that I can ever be that good. When I get frustrated in my practice, often totally losing the note) I switch to something a bit different, and, easier to play to raise my spirits. I like to work with Native American Flute (just playing soft melodies) and I am trying to learn western musical notation using a few Irish Tin (penny) Whistles (both tin and wood). The Native American Flute can be obtained in solid wood and bamboo. I am also considering buying an inexpensive 3/4 guitar and just strumming chords. Sometimes the change in instrument gives me a fresh start when I return to my Shakuhachi....just an idea to consider.
ReplyDeleteTood, I really appreciate your perspective and I would like to share your thoughts here because I hope that, now or sometime in the future, they will help someone else as much as they help me. Afterall, one of the goals of the blog as the documentation of a journey is to be of benefit to those walking the same path.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that switching gears, specifically playing another instrument, can be a valuable way to ease up the tension that can build from too much shakuhachi effort.
I also play the mountain dulcimer and like the NAF, I imagine, it is a soothing instrument to play and does a lot for relaxing the mind. That's ironic, I find, because one of the reasons I was drawn to the shakuahachi was due to its reputation as a 'meditation' tool. But then again meditation was often not a relaxing endeavor either, but that's food for another discussion.
Again, thank you for your comments and support.
May I offer you a milk bottle?
ReplyDelete...how 'bout just some more time playing San'ya?
ReplyDeleteDeal.
ReplyDelete